Everyone was right. All those
little things didn’t matter at all. I shouldn’t have gotten so stressed. I
shouldn’t have worried so much. I should have just enjoyed it all….. But as all
brides do…. I let the little things worry me. And now I’m afraid I’ll forget it
all. It was a beautiful day. The happiest day of my life because Charlie was
there, waiting for me to say I do. And his face was the only one I saw all day.
And years from now, days from now even, I won’t remember the little details
that didn’t turn out perfectly.
Let’s
start off with the day before. It snowed in Arizona. In the valley. It hailed.
It stormed. I was petrified that it would be soggy, muddy, and just horrible
out for our wedding day, and everyone that said it was stupid to get married
outside in February because it would be too cold or rain would say “I told you
so.” And I didn’t want that to happen. I’ve always wanted to get married
outside, because I do love the outdoors. Clouds, birds chirping, green grass….
I love it. So I had to get married outside, even if it was in the desert and a
lot of those things don’t happen. Charlie just kept telling me “Cloud Nine,
baby.” But I wasn’t in the mood to listen.
After our rehearsal, we went to his parents for the dinner and it was so
overwhelming. Everybody that came in from out of town showed up for dinner at
the same time and just piled in the house. And then everyone had to be fed, but
my parents weren’t there yet. And I think I freaked. I also had Aunts flying in
that day and they were waiting for them to show up from the airport. So they
were going to be a little later…. But it was decided that the food was going to
be served and then my panic attack began. I felt so alone and left out at my
own rehearsal dinner. I didn’t belong in that family, and I didn’t have my
family to anchor me down and it hurt. Yes, my best friend was there, but she
was trying to be social and talk to people to make up for my silence. And every
time I looked at Charlie, he knew what I was feeling and I felt my lostness
mirrored in his eyes. It was completely overwhelming at that moment. My parents
did show up and I just sat there, paralyzed with anxiety. I know I have an
issue with crowds and people, but this time it hit me so hard and I just cried.
On top of that, Charlie’s brother and best man would not look or speak to me
all night because I didn’t want his ex-girlfriend of a month that suddenly got
back together and thought she was still invited even though she hurt him and
left him and had to come crawling back because she had nowhere to live and I
had already done the seating charts and guest count for the reception hall.
Yes, I have a little animosity towards her because I felt for him, and then he
just goes back to her and doesn’t respect MY wishes on MY wedding day. So, we
didn’t speak. And it hurt. Anyway…. That night was kind of a bust, and not what
expected. But oh well…. What’s really important is the wedding day.
Jeannie
and Seth took me home after I said goodbye to Charlie with a group of people
interrupting our goodbye which sucked. I just envisioned more, but life’s not a
romance movie. Things don’t ever go that way. Jeannie tried to cheer me up by
throwing a two person bachelorette party and her husband is amazing for being a
part of it. Snorkeling. Enough said.
So I
didn’t sleep well because Charlie wasn’t next to me. But that’s to be expected.
And then I was woken up at 7:30 by the landscapers who were supposed to have
come that Monday. But they picked my wedding day. Wonderful. But my best friend
and my best friend’s husband were nice enough to go get breakfast for me while
I waited for the landscapers to leave. Anxiety was setting in again. The
wedding was at 4 and it was only 8 in the morning. And I missed Charlie. I
needed him to help me not be so nervous, but this was the one time he couldn’t be
there for me. Agony.
So I focused
my energy on frosting our wedding cake (yes, I made all my own desserts much to
everyone’s dismay, and I ROCKED IT.) Then, puts Bridesmaids in and tried to
crochet. Mmmmhmm, the morning of my wedding, I was crocheting. Such an old
soul. Then to wait for my parents to get there and of course NOT ON TIME! And then
my aunts were behind too. Finally my mom should up at 1 and we went to get our
hair done. My amazing new hair stylist did such a fantastic job on my hair. It
was exactly what I had always envisioned. Soft waves, just sweet and natural
looking. She did great on my mom’s hair too. And if anyone knows, it’s not that
easy. So we’re racing against time to get back and do my makeup and get partially
dressed. I went into our bathroom, and started shaking. Adrenaline was coursing
throughout me. I was so nervous. It was 3, and it was time to get to Cozy weddings.
It was beautiful outside. And I remember was Charlie said…. Cloud nine, baby.
And finally I felt it. I was marrying my best friend, my everything and I couldn’t
be any happier.
When I
put my dress on and saw myself in the mirror at Cozy’s I was shocked. I was a
bride. It was so surreal. There are no words to describe how a bride feels the
moment she sees herself all put together. It was amazing. I’ve never been too
sure of my looks, but I actually felt beautiful and stunning. And when my mom
saw me all together, I knew that I wasn’t just imagining it. I knew my mom was
so happy that day. So proud.
Now all
the while there is my wonderful photographer, Danielle snapping photos. And I
realize now how awkward and strange it is to have someone there like that. So
now that I’ve been married now, I have a little more grasp on how the bride
feels when I’m there snapping at them. J
Anyway…
it was that time. I felt the tears in my eyes. I just wanted to see my soon to
be husband. I needed to see that smile on his face. I needed to see the love in
my eyes. My stomach dropped to my feet as the door opened from my room. There
was my dad. My awesome dad. His face was priceless. Instant tears in both of
our eyes. I don’t think either of us really thought about that moment, or if it
would ever really happen. But it was a beautiful moment. It was that last
moment as his little girl, that last moment to stand with my dad as Leah Bair
because after that I was Leah Casale. I would be someone’s wife. I would have
my own family. And I saw all that ahead of me, and he did too. It was our last
moment together as dad and daughter.
The
music started, and we walked arm in arm. His hand on mine. Out the doors, and
there was Charlie. Everything I had worked so hard for was right there. That
single look of love on Charlie’s face. And that is the only thing that will be
burned into my memory until I die. Our eyes meeting and the love that
surrounded us. It was the only thing that I wanted from that day. And it was
perfect.
My dad
gives me away and I take Charlie’s hands. And all I see is him. There is no one
else around us. I barely hear the words the officiant is saying. I just see
him. And his beautiful brown eyes that I fell in love with four years ago. And
I mouth the words I Love You and he does the same, and I know that this is it.
I found my home, with him. And nothing else matters. We put the rings on each
other’s fingers and say our vows which were so similar that it was meant to be.
And we kiss. Our first married kiss. Then everyone blows the bubbles as we walk
down the aisle together.
Photos
come next. And we sign our license. And then go to the reception. Mostly
everyone pitched in to set up the room as Charlie and my parents went to get
the kegs and food. It was exactly how I wanted it, but it didn’t matter. I was
married to Charlie. I had the best husband in the world.
So at
the reception, pretty much all of Charlie’s family was sick. Total bummer. I
ended having to speed up all the events so that they could leave early. I didn’t
get to throw the bouquet nor do the garter toss. But… it didn’t matter I guess.
My own brother didn’t even come to the wedding. The reception didn’t go as
planned, and someone showed up that I didn’t want to, so I spent the whole
night seeing her smug face…. BUT Charlie told me to let it go. I let it go. We
danced, we ate, we drank. We were married.
There
were a lot of things that weren’t perfect. And that happens. But looking back
on it…. The only thing that matters is the ceremony. Why spend all that money
on a reception? Just have a beautiful ceremony, and throw a party later at
someone’s house because the ceremony is all that matters.
Either
way though…. I married Charlie. Charlie married me. It was a success. I had my
white dress, and he had his tux. Our family was there. My best friend was
there. I have pictures to look at to remember how happy we were that day. And I’m
happy now.
So all
those little things you worry about. Décor, food, drinks, people, seating,
favors, etc. NONE OF THAT MAKES A WEDDING. The marriage does. The bride and
groom. That’s the only thing that matters when you’re planning and wedding and
don’t forget that. Because when the day is over, all that’s left is the husband
and wife.
Cloud nine….
