Small Town

 So I recently went back to Indiana to see my cousin J.D. get married. And I went with my mom, without Charlie.  I really wish he could have went, but work and money made it too hard.  But it’s okay. I saw my family, who I haven’t seen in so long. Here’s why… as a teenager you don’t want to go to family functions…. But as a child it’s the best thing in the world.

                J.D. was my favorite cousin. I always spent  time with him when I visited my Grandpa Cook. I remember spending time upstairs, sneaking into his dad’s office area, at least I think it was sneaking… Memories are kind of blurred and I have never really talked to anyone else about this. But… we played this game on the computer that had dinosaurs… I sucked, he was good. I remember when my Aunt Mary was having a garage sale and she had all these baby clothes and said she always hoped for a girl… What else… OH the biggest… J.D. and I said we would marry each other… but they we were told we couldn’t because we were cousins. Major let down….

                But so see him marry the love of his life… beautiful. Not just because it brought up memories from my wedding… but because I saw the love that everyone said they saw when Charlie and I got married. And it was beautiful. That love, that happiness… it’s magical. And I got to see it. And thinking about it now… I never would have missed J.D.’s wedding.  The wedding was sweet and the reception was fantastic. People danced! ( unlike my wedding….) It was great! And I wish the two of them everything that is love, happiness, joy, caring…. Everything that makes love .. love. 

                What else was great? Seeing my Aunt Jean, and all my cousins…. Amy, Kristy, Kevin, Zach…. All these feelings and memories just came back…. Amy… going to Cedar point and being in the backseat with you and kicking your knee right after you had that surgery. Kristy…. Watching horror movies… Creepshow… Return of the living Dead….. You started my love of horror movies and zombies… (Did they play Thriller???) Kevin… Donkey Kong.  I sucked, you kicked my ass. Going to see Batman with Poison Ivy and Arnold in it and getting home and pretending to be those characters. And playing ping pong on that game table of yours. Once again, I sucked. Zach… you were just a pain in the ass. Haha.  My Aunt Lisa taking me to the mall when the ice skating rink was in there and I really wanted to go but instead got purple velvet pants and a green velvet headband. My police Grandpa putting me an J.D. in time out… My Grandma Rash’s teddy bears… Boyd’s Bears I think….

                All I know is, it was great seeing everyone. And meeting the new additions. Kevin had a baby and got married to a SUPER CUTE girl named Tabby that I really want to get to know better, and wish we coulda had more time to talk.. but that one night I was sooooo tired and just kept thinking I have to wake up in 4 hours and get on a plane so I wasn’t the most sociable. 

 It was weird though. For once, I felt like me around all of them. I guess it comes with growing up and living life, but I felt like a version of myself that belonged for once, and I really liked it. Maybe that's what I'm missing here in Arizona. Finding that version of myself that I'm comfortable with and really fit it. Because I don't fit in Arizona. I'm a midwest country girl at heart, and that doesn't belong anywhere here in Arizona. And as much as I love Charlie's family, and Charlie... I am totally different and am still finding a hard time being myself and being excepted AS myself, not just Charlie's wife. Charlie excepts me as I am, but we are still really different.

                                                What really came to mind is the John Mellencamp song…. Small Town. And it makes me cry. I grew up in a small town. My parents grew up in a small town…. And that’s what I want for my child. I want them to meet my family and have cousins like I did. Because I know I don’t talk about it too much, and I’m not a super family person… but going back and being there made me realize how great they all are. And how I miss that. I didn’t get a lot of time growing up with them, but I have those memories and they are great memories.  Homesickness floods back when I think of all that. Maybe someday I’ll get back there…. Maybe someday I’ll get back to that small town. Because that’s what I am. Small Town.

Cloud Nine, Baby

Everyone was right. All those little things didn’t matter at all. I shouldn’t have gotten so stressed. I shouldn’t have worried so much. I should have just enjoyed it all….. But as all brides do…. I let the little things worry me. And now I’m afraid I’ll forget it all. It was a beautiful day. The happiest day of my life because Charlie was there, waiting for me to say I do. And his face was the only one I saw all day. And years from now, days from now even, I won’t remember the little details that didn’t turn out perfectly.

                Let’s start off with the day before. It snowed in Arizona. In the valley. It hailed. It stormed. I was petrified that it would be soggy, muddy, and just horrible out for our wedding day, and everyone that said it was stupid to get married outside in February because it would be too cold or rain would say “I told you so.” And I didn’t want that to happen. I’ve always wanted to get married outside, because I do love the outdoors. Clouds, birds chirping, green grass…. I love it. So I had to get married outside, even if it was in the desert and a lot of those things don’t happen. Charlie just kept telling me “Cloud Nine, baby.” But I wasn’t in the mood to listen.  After our rehearsal, we went to his parents for the dinner and it was so overwhelming. Everybody that came in from out of town showed up for dinner at the same time and just piled in the house. And then everyone had to be fed, but my parents weren’t there yet. And I think I freaked. I also had Aunts flying in that day and they were waiting for them to show up from the airport. So they were going to be a little later…. But it was decided that the food was going to be served and then my panic attack began. I felt so alone and left out at my own rehearsal dinner. I didn’t belong in that family, and I didn’t have my family to anchor me down and it hurt. Yes, my best friend was there, but she was trying to be social and talk to people to make up for my silence. And every time I looked at Charlie, he knew what I was feeling and I felt my lostness mirrored in his eyes. It was completely overwhelming at that moment. My parents did show up and I just sat there, paralyzed with anxiety. I know I have an issue with crowds and people, but this time it hit me so hard and I just cried. On top of that, Charlie’s brother and best man would not look or speak to me all night because I didn’t want his ex-girlfriend of a month that suddenly got back together and thought she was still invited even though she hurt him and left him and had to come crawling back because she had nowhere to live and I had already done the seating charts and guest count for the reception hall. Yes, I have a little animosity towards her because I felt for him, and then he just goes back to her and doesn’t respect MY wishes on MY wedding day. So, we didn’t speak. And it hurt. Anyway…. That night was kind of a bust, and not what expected. But oh well…. What’s really important is the wedding day.

                Jeannie and Seth took me home after I said goodbye to Charlie with a group of people interrupting our goodbye which sucked. I just envisioned more, but life’s not a romance movie. Things don’t ever go that way. Jeannie tried to cheer me up by throwing a two person bachelorette party and her husband is amazing for being a part of it. Snorkeling. Enough said.

                So I didn’t sleep well because Charlie wasn’t next to me. But that’s to be expected. And then I was woken up at 7:30 by the landscapers who were supposed to have come that Monday. But they picked my wedding day. Wonderful. But my best friend and my best friend’s husband were nice enough to go get breakfast for me while I waited for the landscapers to leave. Anxiety was setting in again. The wedding was at 4 and it was only 8 in the morning. And I missed Charlie. I needed him to help me not be so nervous, but this was the one time he couldn’t be there for me. Agony.

                So I focused my energy on frosting our wedding cake (yes, I made all my own desserts much to everyone’s dismay, and I ROCKED IT.) Then, puts Bridesmaids in and tried to crochet. Mmmmhmm, the morning of my wedding, I was crocheting. Such an old soul. Then to wait for my parents to get there and of course NOT ON TIME! And then my aunts were behind too. Finally my mom should up at 1 and we went to get our hair done. My amazing new hair stylist did such a fantastic job on my hair. It was exactly what I had always envisioned. Soft waves, just sweet and natural looking. She did great on my mom’s hair too. And if anyone knows, it’s not that easy. So we’re racing against time to get back and do my makeup and get partially dressed. I went into our bathroom, and started shaking. Adrenaline was coursing throughout me. I was so nervous. It was 3, and it was time to get to Cozy weddings. It was beautiful outside. And I remember was Charlie said…. Cloud nine, baby. And finally I felt it. I was marrying my best friend, my everything and I couldn’t be any happier.

                When I put my dress on and saw myself in the mirror at Cozy’s I was shocked. I was a bride. It was so surreal. There are no words to describe how a bride feels the moment she sees herself all put together. It was amazing. I’ve never been too sure of my looks, but I actually felt beautiful and stunning. And when my mom saw me all together, I knew that I wasn’t just imagining it. I knew my mom was so happy that day. So proud.

                Now all the while there is my wonderful photographer, Danielle snapping photos. And I realize now how awkward and strange it is to have someone there like that. So now that I’ve been married now, I have a little more grasp on how the bride feels when I’m there snapping at them. J

                Anyway… it was that time. I felt the tears in my eyes. I just wanted to see my soon to be husband. I needed to see that smile on his face. I needed to see the love in my eyes. My stomach dropped to my feet as the door opened from my room. There was my dad. My awesome dad. His face was priceless. Instant tears in both of our eyes. I don’t think either of us really thought about that moment, or if it would ever really happen. But it was a beautiful moment. It was that last moment as his little girl, that last moment to stand with my dad as Leah Bair because after that I was Leah Casale. I would be someone’s wife. I would have my own family. And I saw all that ahead of me, and he did too. It was our last moment together as dad and daughter.

                The music started, and we walked arm in arm. His hand on mine. Out the doors, and there was Charlie. Everything I had worked so hard for was right there. That single look of love on Charlie’s face. And that is the only thing that will be burned into my memory until I die. Our eyes meeting and the love that surrounded us. It was the only thing that I wanted from that day. And it was perfect.

                My dad gives me away and I take Charlie’s hands. And all I see is him. There is no one else around us. I barely hear the words the officiant is saying. I just see him. And his beautiful brown eyes that I fell in love with four years ago. And I mouth the words I Love You and he does the same, and I know that this is it. I found my home, with him. And nothing else matters. We put the rings on each other’s fingers and say our vows which were so similar that it was meant to be. And we kiss. Our first married kiss. Then everyone blows the bubbles as we walk down the aisle together.

                Photos come next. And we sign our license. And then go to the reception. Mostly everyone pitched in to set up the room as Charlie and my parents went to get the kegs and food. It was exactly how I wanted it, but it didn’t matter. I was married to Charlie. I had the best husband in the world.  

                So at the reception, pretty much all of Charlie’s family was sick. Total bummer. I ended having to speed up all the events so that they could leave early. I didn’t get to throw the bouquet nor do the garter toss. But… it didn’t matter I guess. My own brother didn’t even come to the wedding. The reception didn’t go as planned, and someone showed up that I didn’t want to, so I spent the whole night seeing her smug face…. BUT Charlie told me to let it go. I let it go. We danced, we ate, we drank. We were married.

                There were a lot of things that weren’t perfect. And that happens. But looking back on it…. The only thing that matters is the ceremony. Why spend all that money on a reception? Just have a beautiful ceremony, and throw a party later at someone’s house because the ceremony is all that matters.

                Either way though…. I married Charlie. Charlie married me. It was a success. I had my white dress, and he had his tux. Our family was there. My best friend was there. I have pictures to look at to remember how happy we were that day. And I’m happy now.

                So all those little things you worry about. Décor, food, drinks, people, seating, favors, etc. NONE OF THAT MAKES A WEDDING. The marriage does. The bride and groom. That’s the only thing that matters when you’re planning and wedding and don’t forget that. Because when the day is over, all that’s left is the husband and wife.

Cloud nine….

                                

40 to 1 Odds? I Like a Long Shot.....

I should be grinding some meat for a meatloaf right now.... but Game 6 of the Coyotes/Blackhawks game is on and well, it made me miss hockey... And now that the lockout is FINALLY over, it's time to start talking about the Stanley Cup.
Yes, the Cup. Already. Since over half the season is gone, it's like we're immediately jumping into the playoffs. With so few games to actually play before playoff season, it's anybody's Cup. But we all know who my money's on. And everyone knows I love a long shot.
Apparently, the Coyotes have 40 to 1 odds at winning the Cup. What were our odds last year? And look what we overcome. Top four baby! TOP FOUR. That was better than anyone thought. And they still wanna hate on us, and give us 40 to 1 odds? I call bullshit. We have just as much chance as the Stanley Cup CHUMPs, the Kings. 
Oh, why you ask? Why do I think that we can win it? Well.... It's called being a team. And the Coyotes are everything a team should be. They've been waiting patiently through this whole lockout, priming themselves. They're still going to have that momentum they had in the playoffs. They had a taste of greatness, and they're thirsty. They just got home from a long day of work, and they're gonna take the cold one outta the fridge and chug it down. This is their Cup. And I think it would have been short season or not. We felt it last year. We were right on the edge.

40 to 1 odds? Lemme tell you about 40 to 1 odds. My soon to Father in Law made a 50 cent bet on a Pick 4 at Del Mar. 3,3,4,3. The 3 horse wins, the 3 horse wins, the 4 horse wins.... and it comes to this last race. We look at the odds for the 3 horse. 40 to 1. We thought he had lost his Pick 4 for sure. We all stood at our seats as the race started. Tension. Hope. Despair. All wrapped up in that tiny little space. It's the homestretch. The last turn and here they come. The 3 horse is in DEAD LAST.... Our hope falters, and then.... out of NOWHERE, that 3 horse shoots from the back and blows past all the other horse on the outside and wins the race.

40 to 1 odds? Tell that to the man who bet 50 cents and made over $4000.

Yeah... I like them odds.

Gonna Win!

http://cravemyphotography.com/blog/business-jump-start-giveaway/


Would sure love some new lenses! It would be a great wedding present!

Let's Talk Hockey...

So, it's been awhile. Sorry, I've been knee deep in wedding planning, and working, and now it's the holidays and I'm just trying to stay sane. Do you know what would help me stay sane?

Hockey.

Yes, I said it. Hockey. Hard hitting, aggressive, goal scoring hockey... but nooooooooo! There seems to be a lock out. Yes, in my time of need.... a lock out. And, since we had to get our honeymoon planned now and out of the way, our original plans have been ruined by this lock out.

What does hockey and a lock out have to do with your honeymoon, you ask.

Everything. We had planned on going to Canada to see the Yotes play the Canucks. We were super excited to see an away game, and in Canada! But since we weren't sure if there would be hockey in February, and we would have to get our passports like now, it just didn't work out. Bummer. But we've decided to go to Denver, which is like the micro brew capital of the world! So that's almost as exciting.

Now to this lock out. Why does this have to happen? Why can no one ever come to an agreement about money and bonuses and everything else? Because it's not hurting the players or the owners. They still have millions of dollars and just want more. (And yes, hockey players are the most under paid athletes and hockey is practically the most brutal, body killing sport out there) But.... you still make millions more than I do, and I just want to go to a game. I just want to enjoy a beer after work and watch it on TV.
You're hurting the fans. The people who spend their hard earned money to see you guys play and get your millions of dollars because we support you. So this lockout.... in the long run, you lose fans, you lose support, you lose more money. You want 5 million dollar contract, plus a percentage of the team's whatever.... well, what about the people who make less than 30,000 dollars a  year who just want to see you guys play? What about our money?

Do we not have a say in this, as fans? As the people who ultimately make sure you have a pay check?

Stop dicking around, and start pucking around.

O Captain, My Captain...

O CAPTAIN! my Captain! our fearful trip is done;
The ship has weather'd every rack, the prize we sought is won;
The port is near, the bells I hear, the people all exulting,
While follow eyes the steady keel, the vessel grim and daring:
But O heart! heart! heart!
O the bleeding drops of red,
Where on the deck my Captain lies,
Fallen cold and dead.


O Captain! my Captain! rise up and hear the bells;
Rise up--for you the flag is flung--for you the bugle trills;
For you bouquets and ribbon'd wreaths--for you the shores a-crowding;
For you they call, the swaying mass, their eager faces turning;
Here Captain! dear father!
This arm beneath your head;
It is some dream that on the deck,
You've fallen cold and dead.


My Captain does not answer, his lips are pale and still;
My father does not feel my arm, he has no pulse nor will;
The ship is anchor'd safe and sound, its voyage closed and done;
From fearful trip, the victor ship, comes in with object won;
Exult, O shores, and ring, O bells!
But I, with mournful tread,
Walk the deck my Captain lies,
Fallen cold and dead.
-Walt Whitman

    Days tick by as we wait for the puck to drop. And as we wait, one thing is on our minds-- Will number 19 be on the ice as a Coyote? Will we see out beloved captain there when the puck hits the ice?
    With the ownership in limbo, and the uncertainty of where the Coyotes will be located, it's understandable that Doan would be cautious in his decision to resign. He's never been on another NHL team. He started on the Jets as a 1st round pick, and stayed even with the move to Phoenix. 17 Years with one franchise-- that is dedication to a team, a sport, to hockey. How many other players have been with only one franchise since being drafted? So even with the ownership fiasco, why leave a team you've called home for so long?
    Doan has stated that he wants nothing more than to stay with the Coyotes until he retires? But now as a unrestricted free agent, does that statement still ring true? He's had a lot of lucrative offers being thrown his way. What's to say that he doesn't want more money? That he doesn't want to win the Cup before he retires? Who says he has to stay in Phoenix?
    We're talking about Shane Doan though, not some showboater "superstar" who throws a hissy fit if his signing bonus isn't enough money. He isn't your average, run of the mill, hot shot captain.  Shane Doan... O captain, OUR captain. A man we trust our team with. A man we trust with our loyalty. He is more than a man. He is more than a captain. He is a voice that resonates through the arena. He is a feeling of hope, of endurance. He is a game changer. He is the momentum. He is a gentlemen on and off the ice. He is what every hockey player should strive to be.
    He makes me proud to be a hockey fan, to be a Coyote fan. So, for him, I stand on a seat in the Coyotes arena, that might not always be sold out, but filled with more heart than most team's fans, and raise a stick in the air.....

    O Captain, My Captain! Please lead this ship to the glory we deserve. Don't leave us now, when we need you the most.... You are a Coyote. You belong in the desert. It is your home, and we're your family. Don't give up on us now, because we've never gave up on you.

    With heavy hearts, we wait for him to sign....

Hossa goes down, and Torres goes out.

Tuesday's game was awesome. The first period hit on Hossa was a beauty. Yes, he was taken out on a stretcher, but I suspect it was all for a show. The Hawks fan, and many sports announcers  thought that Smith was a good actor.... well maybe Hossa is too. Who knows, he saw the hit coming and he thought... "hey, I can take a break and just lay there. It'll be a good show. And Torres will be kicked outta the game.... And we win." Well guess what.... WE WON. Yes, we went to overtime again... an Boedker showed up and gave us a win.

For the fans and critics that say Torres' hit was dirty, well.... maybe it was. His feet did come up from the ground, an from that momentum his shoulder hit his jaw. Yeah, I get it. But Shit Happens. It's hockey. Hockey is physical. There are good hits, there are bad hits. Some go right, some go wrong. People fight, people lose. These players know that when they decided they want to be a hockey player. It's the perks of the job. Hockey is hockey. Torres didn't look like he was trying to hurt the guy. He just finishes his checks. And that's a Coyote thing. We finish what we start. And that includes hits. We don't half ass it. We are in it to win it. We will do what we have to (and not saying to intentionally put someone on a stretcher) to win, and get a Stanley Cup. So... we won. That game.....

And yesterday's game. The first two period's were slightly boring. Not that they weren't playing good, but we're just so evenly matched right now, and we're tired. But I can't forget to mention a Biznasty fight in the first period. Biz rocked it. Minus having her jersey pulled off after the fight was over and getting a game misconduct.... which I don't see how that works....The other guys pulls the jersey off of him purposely to get him thrown out of the game. Shouldn't the other guy get thrown out? He pulled it off. It's not like Biz pulled it off and threw it to the ground. Oh well... that's the rules. But even with out Biz, Hanzal, Korpi, and all the penalties we caused or didn't cause....Doan scored. And then Pyatt scored a beautiful goal 44 seconds later. And then, as always.... The Hawks score because we get exited and lose focus. But it's okay... we're still up.... And then, like a repeat of ever game... Hawks score again late in the third. AND WE GO TO OVERTIME FOR THE FOURTH TIME!  It's intense. I was so nervous. I mean, this is the fourth game in overtime, and it can go either way. We are missing key players, and we're getting tired an losing focus. But here comes Boedker.... yes, boedker again! He scores the OT game winning goal... AGAIN. How awesome is this kid? He needs a raise! Hell, the whole team does because we DOMINATED the Blackhawks on their own turf. And they were quiet as can be. No cheering, no assholes, no trash thrown in their own arena. Losing is a bitch.... but we won. And we're going to bring it even harder on Saturday.

I said we wanted Redemption.... I said we were going to bring the heat. And look... Blackhawk's feathesr look mighty singed. I don't know if their poor little wings will make the flight for Saturday's game.....


We Believe.